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Trauma + Codependency Healing + Recovery

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Tatiana Chihai

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Sometimes, we act like an innocent child—hopeful, playful, and needing love. Other times, we’re like a rebellious teenager—pushing back, responding with pain and anger and wanting freedom from burdens. And sometimes, a harsh, judgmental voice shows up like a bully—criticizing us or others.

Pretending they don’t exist just suppresses and rejects what we’re really feeling. The key is to notice when each one shows up, understand why it’s there, and learn how to respond with kindness instead of shame. That’s how we grow and live with radical honesty and authenticity.

Sometimes, we act like an innocent child—hopeful, playful, and needing love. Other times, we’re like a rebellious teenager—pushing back, responding with pain and anger and wanting freedom from burdens. And sometimes, a harsh, judgmental voice shows up like a bully—criticizing us or others.

Pretending they don’t exist just suppresses and rejects what we’re really feeling. The key is to notice when each one shows up, understand why it’s there, and learn how to respond with kindness instead of shame. That’s how we grow and live with radical honesty and authenticity.

Our anxious attachment to a partner is usually a trigger or a message to soothe a deeper wound of an unattended, unsoothed inner infant.

Focus on the message not the messenger. If you experience symptoms of anxious attachment keep your inner infant well tended to so they don’t feel abandoned and don’t have to relive pain of separation anxiety when a partner is away because you are your parent now not your partner.

Our anxious attachment to a partner is usually a trigger or a message to soothe a deeper wound of an unattended, unsoothed inner infant.

Focus on the message not the messenger. If you experience symptoms of anxious attachment keep your inner infant well tended to so they don’t feel abandoned and don’t have to relive pain of separation anxiety when a partner is away because you are your parent now not your partner.

You heal when you self-parent the most powerless, helpless wounded part of Self.

You heal when you self-parent the most powerless, helpless wounded part of Self.

Betrayal trauma occurs when someone we deeply trust violates that trust, causing emotional and psychological wounds. It can come from intimate partners, family members, close friends, or institutions.

The effects of betrayal trauma can be profound and long-lasting, especially if the betrayal disrupts one’s sense of safety, identity, and self-worth.

Effects of Betrayal Trauma

1. Psychological and Emotional Effects
Hypervigilance & Anxiety – Constantly scanning for danger or future betrayal, leading to difficulty relaxing.

Depression & Emotional Numbness – A loss of joy, difficulty accessing emotions, or feeling disconnected from life.

Low Self-Worth – Internalizing the betrayal as a reflection of one’s own inadequacy.

Shame & Self-Blame – Believing they should have seen the betrayal coming or that they somehow caused it.

Intrusive Thoughts & Flashbacks – Replaying the betrayal in the mind, leading to distress and re-traumatization.

2. Relational Effects
Difficulty Trusting Others – Fear of being hurt again, leading to emotional walls or isolation.

Fear of Vulnerability – Struggling to open up in future relationships, even with trustworthy people.

Attachment Issues – Either avoiding intimacy (dismissive-avoidant) or clinging to relationships out of fear (anxious-preoccupied).

3. Physiological & Somatic Effects
Chronic Stress & Fatigue – The nervous system remains in a heightened state of alertness, leading to exhaustion, many times leading to comprised Immune system and autoimmune diseases.

Full video on my YouTube @theholisticdolly

Betrayal trauma occurs when someone we deeply trust violates that trust, causing emotional and psychological wounds. It can come from intimate partners, family members, close friends, or institutions.

The effects of betrayal trauma can be profound and long-lasting, especially if the betrayal disrupts one’s sense of safety, identity, and self-worth.

Effects of Betrayal Trauma

1. Psychological and Emotional Effects
Hypervigilance & Anxiety – Constantly scanning for danger or future betrayal, leading to difficulty relaxing.

Depression & Emotional Numbness – A loss of joy, difficulty accessing emotions, or feeling disconnected from life.

Low Self-Worth – Internalizing the betrayal as a reflection of one’s own inadequacy.

Shame & Self-Blame – Believing they should have seen the betrayal coming or that they somehow caused it.

Intrusive Thoughts & Flashbacks – Replaying the betrayal in the mind, leading to distress and re-traumatization.

2. Relational Effects
Difficulty Trusting Others – Fear of being hurt again, leading to emotional walls or isolation.

Fear of Vulnerability – Struggling to open up in future relationships, even with trustworthy people.

Attachment Issues – Either avoiding intimacy (dismissive-avoidant) or clinging to relationships out of fear (anxious-preoccupied).

3. Physiological & Somatic Effects
Chronic Stress & Fatigue – The nervous system remains in a heightened state of alertness, leading to exhaustion, many times leading to comprised Immune system and autoimmune diseases.

Full video on my YouTube @theholisticdolly

May you accept the past as part of your story ♥️
May you accept that it hurt. ♥️
May you accept that you are learning to live, love, trust Self and others again♥️
May you accept your life story and its lessons♥️

May you accept the past as part of your story ♥️
May you accept that it hurt. ♥️
May you accept that you are learning to live, love, trust Self and others again♥️
May you accept your life story and its lessons♥️

Shame is an internalized belief of unworthiness, that there is something fundamentally wrong, flawed or defective about ourselves. Shame makes us believe-
I am fundamentally flawed, I am not enough, I am wrong, I am unlovable,
I must be perfect, I should always please others, I should never show vulnerability.

Deep Shame can get triggered by even the slightest (real or perceived) Criticism, Rejection, Failure, Vulnerability.

Explore the cycle of Shame to understand how it contributes to its self-perpetuation.

Here is how it goes-
1. Triggering Event: The cycle of shame typically begins with a triggering event. This event can be a mistake, failure, criticism, or any situation that activates feelings of inadequacy, humiliation, or guilt. The triggering event acts as a catalyst for shame, initiating the cycle.

2. Emotional Response: This is followed by an intense emotional response. This response may include feelings of embarrassment, worthlessness, self-disgust, or a desire to hide or withdraw from others. These emotions can be overwhelming and debilitating, reinforcing the cycle.

3. Negative Self-Talk and Self-Criticism: As shame takes hold, negative self-talk and self-criticism become prominent. The inner voice becomes harsh and critical, magnifying the perceived shortcomings and flaws.

4. Isolation and Avoidance: The fear of being judged, rejected, or humiliated leads to a withdrawal from relationships and opportunities for connection.

5. Negative Coping Mechanisms: To cope with the intense emotions and negative self-perception, individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as addiction, self-destructive behaviors, excessive work, or seeking external validation to temporarily alleviate the pain of shame.

6. Reinforcement and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The cycle of shame becomes self-reinforcing as each stage feeds into the next.
Remember this: You can Heal and
You are not alone!

Shame is an internalized belief of unworthiness, that there is something fundamentally wrong, flawed or defective about ourselves. Shame makes us believe-
I am fundamentally flawed, I am not enough, I am wrong, I am unlovable,
I must be perfect, I should always please others, I should never show vulnerability.

Deep Shame can get triggered by even the slightest (real or perceived) Criticism, Rejection, Failure, Vulnerability.

Explore the cycle of Shame to understand how it contributes to its self-perpetuation.

Here is how it goes-
1. Triggering Event: The cycle of shame typically begins with a triggering event. This event can be a mistake, failure, criticism, or any situation that activates feelings of inadequacy, humiliation, or guilt. The triggering event acts as a catalyst for shame, initiating the cycle.

2. Emotional Response: This is followed by an intense emotional response. This response may include feelings of embarrassment, worthlessness, self-disgust, or a desire to hide or withdraw from others. These emotions can be overwhelming and debilitating, reinforcing the cycle.

3. Negative Self-Talk and Self-Criticism: As shame takes hold, negative self-talk and self-criticism become prominent. The inner voice becomes harsh and critical, magnifying the perceived shortcomings and flaws.

4. Isolation and Avoidance: The fear of being judged, rejected, or humiliated leads to a withdrawal from relationships and opportunities for connection.

5. Negative Coping Mechanisms: To cope with the intense emotions and negative self-perception, individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as addiction, self-destructive behaviors, excessive work, or seeking external validation to temporarily alleviate the pain of shame.

6. Reinforcement and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The cycle of shame becomes self-reinforcing as each stage feeds into the next.
Remember this: You can Heal and
You are not alone!

Romanticizing your life shifts your energy into one of gratitude, joy, and self-love, which makes you more magnetic to romantic experiences.

When you see your daily life as beautiful, meaningful, and worth savoring—whether it’s by enjoying a cup of tea like it’s a scene from a movie or dressing up just because it makes you feel good—you emit confidence, warmth, and a sense of fulfillment.

People are drawn to those who radiate contentment and self-worth. Instead of seeking romance from a place of lack, you attract it effortlessly by embodying love in your own life.

When you treat yourself the way you want to be treated in a relationship—taking yourself on dates, appreciating little moments, and nurturing your emotions—you signal to the universe (and potential partners) that you are already living in the frequency of love. This makes love and romance more likely to find its way to you.

Happy Valentine’s Day💗💗

Romanticizing your life shifts your energy into one of gratitude, joy, and self-love, which makes you more magnetic to romantic experiences.

When you see your daily life as beautiful, meaningful, and worth savoring—whether it’s by enjoying a cup of tea like it’s a scene from a movie or dressing up just because it makes you feel good—you emit confidence, warmth, and a sense of fulfillment.

People are drawn to those who radiate contentment and self-worth. Instead of seeking romance from a place of lack, you attract it effortlessly by embodying love in your own life.

When you treat yourself the way you want to be treated in a relationship—taking yourself on dates, appreciating little moments, and nurturing your emotions—you signal to the universe (and potential partners) that you are already living in the frequency of love. This makes love and romance more likely to find its way to you.

Happy Valentine’s Day💗💗

Good things happen when you expect the best things to happen.

Good things happen when you expect the best things to happen.

A woman who loves too much is Codependent. She gives endlessly, pouring love into others even when her own cup is empty.

She sees potential where others see flaws, believing she can heal, fix, or save.

Boundaries blur as she prioritizes others’ needs above her own, mistaking self-sacrifice for devotion.

She forgives too easily, stays too long, and clings to hope even when love turns painful. Her heart is vast, but her self-worth is fragile, tethered to being needed. She mistakes longing for love and pain for passion, until one day, she awakens—realizing real love should never require her to abandon herself.

A woman who loves too much is Codependent. She gives endlessly, pouring love into others even when her own cup is empty.

She sees potential where others see flaws, believing she can heal, fix, or save.

Boundaries blur as she prioritizes others’ needs above her own, mistaking self-sacrifice for devotion.

She forgives too easily, stays too long, and clings to hope even when love turns painful. Her heart is vast, but her self-worth is fragile, tethered to being needed. She mistakes longing for love and pain for passion, until one day, she awakens—realizing real love should never require her to abandon herself.

A woman who loves too much is trapped in a cycle of codependency, mistaking self-sacrifice for love.

She was created in childhood, conditioned to earn affection by meeting others’ needs while neglecting her own.

Raised in an environment of emotional neglect, chaos, or conditional love, she learned that love means fixing, pleasing, and enduring.

She’s kept hooked by intermittent reinforcement—crumbs of affection keep her hoping for more. Her nervous system craves the familiar highs and lows, mistaking pain for passion.

Until she heals, she repeats the cycle, believing love is something to chase, rather than something to receive freely.

A woman who loves too much is trapped in a cycle of codependency, mistaking self-sacrifice for love.

She was created in childhood, conditioned to earn affection by meeting others’ needs while neglecting her own.

Raised in an environment of emotional neglect, chaos, or conditional love, she learned that love means fixing, pleasing, and enduring.

She’s kept hooked by intermittent reinforcement—crumbs of affection keep her hoping for more. Her nervous system craves the familiar highs and lows, mistaking pain for passion.

Until she heals, she repeats the cycle, believing love is something to chase, rather than something to receive freely.

Trauma survivors often default to giving others the benefit of the doubt but when patterns of betrayal, manipulation, or neglect repeat, it’s time to shift.

Blind trust can keep you trapped in cycles of hurt. Approaching with discernment protects your peace, energy, and self-worth.

Honor your healing by setting firm boundaries, understand the person before you start opening up, and start tolerating disrespect and giving your all.

You’ve worked too hard to let old wounds be reopened. Trust should be earned, not given freely. Moving forward with discernment allows you to choose relationships that align with your growth, not ones that keep you stuck. #the5selflovelanguages #love #selflove #valentines #valentinesday #selfie #relationships #relationships

Trauma survivors often default to giving others the benefit of the doubt but when patterns of betrayal, manipulation, or neglect repeat, it’s time to shift.

Blind trust can keep you trapped in cycles of hurt. Approaching with discernment protects your peace, energy, and self-worth.

Honor your healing by setting firm boundaries, understand the person before you start opening up, and start tolerating disrespect and giving your all.

You’ve worked too hard to let old wounds be reopened. Trust should be earned, not given freely. Moving forward with discernment allows you to choose relationships that align with your growth, not ones that keep you stuck. #the5selflovelanguages #love #selflove #valentines #valentinesday #selfie #relationships #relationships

What happens when we Heal? Longer video on YouTube #traumarecovery #codependencyrecovery #mentalhealth #selflove

What happens when we Heal? Longer video on YouTube #traumarecovery #codependencyrecovery #mentalhealth #selflove

#innercritic #innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerpeace #innerwisdom #innerstrength #innerwork

#innercritic #innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerpeace #innerwisdom #innerstrength #innerwork

We did not learn how to Love ourselves yet the chief complaint of my clients is that others don’t choose or love them properly or enough.

People who lack Self-Love are unable to choose and maintain healthy, loving relationships with partners, and friends.

They find fault with others failing to realize that what’s lacking is their own foundation of Self-Love upon which all other loving, safe, healthy and prosperous relationships are based.

If you don’t know how to love yourself, you are unable to establish real loving intimacy and connection with another.

I firmly believe, if you don’t know how to love yourself, you don’t know how to love another.

We did not learn how to Love ourselves yet the chief complaint of my clients is that others don’t choose or love them properly or enough.

People who lack Self-Love are unable to choose and maintain healthy, loving relationships with partners, and friends.

They find fault with others failing to realize that what’s lacking is their own foundation of Self-Love upon which all other loving, safe, healthy and prosperous relationships are based.

If you don’t know how to love yourself, you are unable to establish real loving intimacy and connection with another.

I firmly believe, if you don’t know how to love yourself, you don’t know how to love another.

How to move your grief, how to give your grief meaning and purpose.

Longer video on my YouTube channel. #traumarecovery #grief #griefjourney #griefquotes #griefsupport #codependencyrecovery #codependency #codependent

How to move your grief, how to give your grief meaning and purpose.

Longer video on my YouTube channel. #traumarecovery #grief #griefjourney #griefquotes #griefsupport #codependencyrecovery #codependency #codependent

Staying unbothered reflects emotional maturity, self-assurance, and strong boundaries. It suggests that a person is secure in themselves, not easily swayed by negativity or external chaos. It also indicates emotional regulation, meaning they can process emotions without reacting impulsively.

At its core, being unbothered is about self-trust—knowing what truly matters and not letting unnecessary distractions or drama interfere with inner peace. It doesn’t mean ignoring problems but rather choosing not to engage with what doesn’t align with one’s values or well-being.

Staying unbothered reflects emotional maturity, self-assurance, and strong boundaries. It suggests that a person is secure in themselves, not easily swayed by negativity or external chaos. It also indicates emotional regulation, meaning they can process emotions without reacting impulsively.

At its core, being unbothered is about self-trust—knowing what truly matters and not letting unnecessary distractions or drama interfere with inner peace. It doesn’t mean ignoring problems but rather choosing not to engage with what doesn’t align with one’s values or well-being.

People with abandonment wounds often struggle with deep-seated fears of rejection and loss.

They may cling to relationships, seeking constant reassurance, or push people away to avoid potential hurt.

Their emotions can be intense, fluctuating between neediness and withdrawal. Trust issues, anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness frequently surface, making it difficult for them to feel secure in connections. They may overanalyze others’ actions, assume they are unwanted, or sabotage relationships before they are left.

Their inner child often seeks validation, yet they struggle to fully receive love, fearing it will eventually be taken away, reinforcing their cycle of pain.

People with abandonment wounds often struggle with deep-seated fears of rejection and loss.

They may cling to relationships, seeking constant reassurance, or push people away to avoid potential hurt.

Their emotions can be intense, fluctuating between neediness and withdrawal. Trust issues, anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness frequently surface, making it difficult for them to feel secure in connections. They may overanalyze others’ actions, assume they are unwanted, or sabotage relationships before they are left.

Their inner child often seeks validation, yet they struggle to fully receive love, fearing it will eventually be taken away, reinforcing their cycle of pain.

An abandonment wound in adulthood manifests as deep-seated fears of rejection, instability in relationships, and an intense need for validation.

This wound often stems from childhood neglect, loss, or inconsistent caregiving, shaping a core belief of being unworthy or unlovable.

Adults with this wound may struggle with codependency, emotional dependency, or self-sabotaging behaviors, fearing both intimacy and loneliness. They may also experience heightened anxiety, difficulty trusting others, and a tendency to overextend themselves to avoid rejection.

Healing requires self-attunement, inner child work, and learning to cultivate self-worth independent of external validation, fostering emotional security and resilience.

An abandonment wound in adulthood manifests as deep-seated fears of rejection, instability in relationships, and an intense need for validation.

This wound often stems from childhood neglect, loss, or inconsistent caregiving, shaping a core belief of being unworthy or unlovable.

Adults with this wound may struggle with codependency, emotional dependency, or self-sabotaging behaviors, fearing both intimacy and loneliness. They may also experience heightened anxiety, difficulty trusting others, and a tendency to overextend themselves to avoid rejection.

Healing requires self-attunement, inner child work, and learning to cultivate self-worth independent of external validation, fostering emotional security and resilience.

We enter Flow state when we engage deeply in meaningful activity, enjoy the process and its natural rhythm without perfectionism, performative pressure, expectation or judgment.

During this process, our thoughts become clouds passing by and we pay no attention to them, spend no energy on them as we are engrossed in the present moment.

We enter Flow state when we engage deeply in meaningful activity, enjoy the process and its natural rhythm without perfectionism, performative pressure, expectation or judgment.

During this process, our thoughts become clouds passing by and we pay no attention to them, spend no energy on them as we are engrossed in the present moment.

Addictions serve as a means to soothe, numb, or distract from the deep emotional pain and confusion that arise from codependency.

The constant search for external sources of love, safety and approval is due to a deep inner void that only self-love can fill.

Addictions serve as a means to soothe, numb, or distract from the deep emotional pain and confusion that arise from codependency.

The constant search for external sources of love, safety and approval is due to a deep inner void that only self-love can fill.

Self-Parent your grief.

Source : The 5 Self-Love Languages #selflove #selflovejourney #selflovematters #selflovecoach #codependencyrecovery #codependency #codependent #grief #griefjourney #griefsupport #traumahealing #traumarecovery

Self-Parent your grief.

Source : The 5 Self-Love Languages #selflove #selflovejourney #selflovematters #selflovecoach #codependencyrecovery #codependency #codependent #grief #griefjourney #griefsupport #traumahealing #traumarecovery

Read this if you keep getting dumped, rejected, ghosted or left abruptly by your partner, family or friends.

The pain of abandonment in this cycle can feel unbearable because:
1. It reopens old wounds of being unseen, unwanted, or not enough.

2. It triggers a primal fear of being alone, which the body and mind interpret as dangerous.

3. It creates self-doubt, making you wonder what you did wrong to push them away.

Healing from this means facing the abandonment pain head-on—not numbing or forgetting about it when their return, but learning to hold space for yourself.

It’s about self-attunement to your wounded Inner child and recognizing that the withholding of love is their dysfunctional pattern and does not define your worth.

The real work is in becoming the safe, steady presence you’ve been seeking in them and then choosing partners from that non- desperate, fearless place of wholeness.

Read this if you keep getting dumped, rejected, ghosted or left abruptly by your partner, family or friends.

The pain of abandonment in this cycle can feel unbearable because:
1. It reopens old wounds of being unseen, unwanted, or not enough.

2. It triggers a primal fear of being alone, which the body and mind interpret as dangerous.

3. It creates self-doubt, making you wonder what you did wrong to push them away.

Healing from this means facing the abandonment pain head-on—not numbing or forgetting about it when their return, but learning to hold space for yourself.

It’s about self-attunement to your wounded Inner child and recognizing that the withholding of love is their dysfunctional pattern and does not define your worth.

The real work is in becoming the safe, steady presence you’ve been seeking in them and then choosing partners from that non- desperate, fearless place of wholeness.

Detach from all that causes unmanageability, or rumination, worries and is not yours to carry.

Detach from all that causes unmanageability, or rumination, worries and is not yours to carry.

Communication with a Narcissist - what to expect and how to handle it. #codependencyrecovery #traumahealing #traumarecovery #trauma #codependency #selflove #mentalhealth #healingjourney #narcissist #narcissism #narcissisticabuse

Communication with a Narcissist - what to expect and how to handle it. #codependencyrecovery #traumahealing #traumarecovery #trauma #codependency #selflove #mentalhealth #healingjourney #narcissist #narcissism #narcissisticabuse

Belong to yourself first
heal yourself first
love yourself first♥️

Belong to yourself first
heal yourself first
love yourself first♥️

Love yourself more than you love the Abusive person. #selflove #codependencyrecovery #codependentnomore #narcissist #narcissism #narcissisticabuse

Love yourself more than you love the Abusive person. #selflove #codependencyrecovery #codependentnomore #narcissist #narcissism #narcissisticabuse

Learn the lesson so you let it go and be free💗

Learn the lesson so you let it go and be free💗

Trauma survivors receive lifelong training in tolerating, chasing, attempting to fix difficult partners.

The drive to single-handedly change them, the hopes of being seen as worthy, and the longing for them to fulfill a deep fantasy keeps survivors hooked in cycles of dysfunction.

This shows up as constantly excusing harmful behavior, believing that your love or patience will eventually fix the other person.

Trauma survivors may find themselves overextending, suppressing their own needs, and mistaking inconsistency for passion.

They work and hope for a breakthrough that rarely comes.

This cycle of working so hard for breadcrumbs of love reinforces the belief that their worth is tied to how much they endure or sacrifice.

Trauma survivors receive lifelong training in tolerating, chasing, attempting to fix difficult partners.

The drive to single-handedly change them, the hopes of being seen as worthy, and the longing for them to fulfill a deep fantasy keeps survivors hooked in cycles of dysfunction.

This shows up as constantly excusing harmful behavior, believing that your love or patience will eventually fix the other person.

Trauma survivors may find themselves overextending, suppressing their own needs, and mistaking inconsistency for passion.

They work and hope for a breakthrough that rarely comes.

This cycle of working so hard for breadcrumbs of love reinforces the belief that their worth is tied to how much they endure or sacrifice.

The 5 SELF-Love Languages

The 5 SELF-Love Languages

Is it #ego #defensemechanism #gradiosity #superioritycomplex #narcissism #narcissist #narcabuse #narcawareness

Is it #ego #defensemechanism #gradiosity #superioritycomplex #narcissism #narcissist #narcabuse #narcawareness

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